Oh spacecocks, don't tell me this place is turning into Slice of Life
Today doth mark the second birthday of this here blog. It's also the first time I've posted in about two months. I'm sorry about that. There's just not much pizza stuff going on in town. Well, there wasn't; now there's a new Pizzetta's location, Falcone's (reviewed shortly) and soon the old Goodfellas location will become Times Square Pizza, according to Paul Stephen of Star News/Port City Foodies. By the way, is there any good pizza near Times Square in NYC? I've never had any.
I would also like to take a second to beg you to vote for PCF in Encore's 'Best of Blog' thing. Naturally, I would ask that you vote for me, but I have an aversion to such things (hence why I didn't beg for nomination votes). In any case, please vote for PCF and not the blog where girls talk about not eating certain ingredients or the one where some girl chatters to herself every day (she won last year, super cool). PCF is a blog that deals with local shit. It's not just someone learning to type on the internet, regurgitating links she's clicked. But I digress.
Aww yiss. More awesome pizza in Leland, right? My Oleander Pizzetta's re-review has them ranked them near the top of the list, so word of a new location in Leland was great to hear. Me and Leland have a history. I lived there, worked nearby, golfed there many-a-time, fought the police, cursed my luck, transmogrified, space aliens ... Leland is just the place to be nowadays. You can tell that even moreso by the weird space age Lowes next door to Pizzetta's. If the design of that place is the future of food stores I don't know what I'll do. I'll probably hook a tube up from my ass to my mouth and just re-ingest my turds for sustenance because that place was scarier than a rapey dolphin cock.
Now that I got that off my chest let's get down to the pizza. It should be good. It's Pizzetta's, right? Everyone is sucking Pizzetta's dick. It's gonna be good, I know it.
Well. That definitely resembles a pizza in a number of ways. Let's give this puppy a chance. Stay cool. It's gonna be alright. Try to forget about the ludicrously overpriced draft beer you ordered because you are a fucking dumbass. Alright. Back to the pizza. Let us scrom a bite. Okay, a bit saucy, tastes alright but I'm having flashbacks of my first Pizzetta's review. Let's have a taste of the sauce itself. Ah, a good sauce. And the cheese, yes the cheese is also good. The crust, a bite or two from the rim. Pretty good. (Can you picture how I eat pizza when I review it? It's a freakshow). Let us continue eating this slice. It's a bit heavy, dense. The large amount of cheese and sauce kind of overpowering what, at first, seems like a decent crust. And at first it's not such a big deal because the sauce and the cheese are good.
But there is something weird going on with the crust. The bottom of the crust. Yes, I picked off the bottom part of the crust and tasted it individually. It left some weird film of gross-taste on my tongue. I even smelled the bottom of this slice (picture that, too). It was really weird, I don't know what it was. It tasted like cleaner but that can't be it, right? Fuck me I ate this shit yesterday and as I'm writing this I'm tasting this poop on my tongue all over again. My best guess, based on zero knowledge and the fact that the bottom crust was mysteriously greasy, I would say that it was the taste of burnt oil.
Burnt oil is the pits, man. It also makes no sense for the bottom of a pizza to be greasy, as this one was. You make a pizza, you slide it off a wooden peel into an oven, you pull it out with a metal peel and you slice it. Why is the bottom of the pie greasy? Using some kind of a screen? Beyond that, are they using extra virgin olive oil or some other shit that burns at a low temperature? Because it made the pizza taste foul. You ever watch a cooking show and they say something is 'cloyingly sweet'? Well this was 'cloyingly foul'.
I'm not rating this one yet. They've been open about a week and I guess I'll give em another chance. Foul pizza + bar with overpriced beer = Slice of Life. Guys, I know it seems like a good business model, but so did 2 Guys Grill until they forgot why they succeeded in the first place. Then they started dying off and getting sued and whatever the fuck else is going on with them.
Also the location is fucking horrific. I mean, the restaurant was jam-packed (probably because they just opened) but that shopping center is a weird clusterfuck of idiocy and it's beyond out-of-the-way and hidden, even for the goddamn hillbillies in Leland.
?? recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)Pizzetta's- $2.50 before tax 1144 E. Cutlar Crossing, Leland, NC 28451
I liked the pizza this time so you can get off my back and jump up my butt
I got a lot of flak for giving Pizzetta's a mediocre review last time. Some time ago I journeyed back there again (with my mommy this time) and had some pasta dish that was really good. Considering the conflicting opinions of others regarding their pizza and my conflicting opinion of their other food, I decided to revisit Pizzettas. But I'm a lazy man, as you have surely come to realize.
The other day, I went to check out whether or not Sbarro had indeed closed down and turned into a place called SCOTTO PIZZA (no joke). It had not but this change is apparently forthcoming. Luckily they can not possibly do worse than the shit Sbarro was peddling last time I was feeling masochistic. So then I had to figure what to eat for lunch (no, fuck mallcourt food). Though Flaming Amy's was the obvious choice, I remembered my responsibility to my loyal readership (only briefly, mind you), and headed to Pizzetta's to get their $5.50+tax 2-slice-and-drink lunch special.
This time I decided to hedge my bets and get a regular slice and a Nonna's slice. Below is the regular slice:
This already looks a lot more promising than the vaguely-passable stuff I was served before - and it was. My only slight complaint would be that it was too sweet - the sauce mostly. Which is weird because last time I loved the sauce. Maybe the tomatoes were a bit sweeter than before, or they used too much sugar? I don't know. The sauce was still good. And I thought the cheese was better than before. At the very least it wasn't applied to the slice by a maniacal dump truck. The ratios were all quite right. The dough consistency was fairly good, but I kind of thought it also had a strange bit of sweetness.
The Nonna's slice was great:
I wasn't even planning on reviewing this because it looked weird. Then I had a few bites (in the span of approximately one second) and changed my mind. I then snapped that shitty picture you see above. I don't know if this goes for all Nonna's slices, but this thing was pretty big. And it was awesome. It had the same problem of the sauce being too sweet but fuck it, this shit was good. Did it look weird? Yes. Do you look weird? Probably. Live and let die. I killed this pizza.
I would offer a mea culpa for my previous review, but that would be ignoble. The other slice I had wasn't very good. It wasn't very bad, either. It had serious issues, though. Sometimes restaurants have off days - and therein lies the problem with most restaurant reviews. While I'm sure a lot of professionals will make multiple visits to a single establishment to ensure their opinion is scientifically sugarplums and rainbows, I don't have time for that bullshit. If I ate at every one of these places three times I would probably be fat enough to be on Medicaid. And then I wouldn't have mounting medical debt. Hey... hmmmm.
As an aside, sorry for the lack of updates recently. That's all you get. No excuses. Also, if anyone emailed me in the past two weeks, or sent messages via the Feedback thing, I probably didn't get it. I forgot to switch the mail stuff over to the new host because I'm a genius.
2 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)Pizzetta's Pizzeria - $2.43 4107 Oleander Drive, Wilmington, NC 28403
I went back to Pizzetta's recently and while my opinion of the pizza hasn't changed, due to the fact that I haven't bothered to try it again, I can report that this place is very good. It's some of the best Italian-American shit I've had in Wilmington. Plus the portion size and price were quite good, with my dish costing less than $10 and feeding my fat self for both lunch and dinner.
Most importantly, their cannolis are the best I've ever had outside of New York (even if they are humorously small).
I'm not trying to turn this blog into another terrible, generic, dime-a-dozen food review site. I just felt like I owed Pizzetta's another mention after doing them the incredible disservice of declaring their pizza 'alright.'
I don't fuckin know
This place is like a week old. I didn't have much to go on here except that they've got a funny name. Unlike this "review," I will actually be reviewing some food instead of just discussing family lineage and regurgitating a listing of every menu item Pizzetta's offers. I think the only mention of taste in this piece is the last line: "Sooooooo much better than oatmeal." Now, I'm going to be harsh in my review (because that is my schtick), but wow. I think "better than oatmeal" is probably the harshest motherfucking thing I've ever read. Maybe the blog post wasn't meant as a review. It's mostly worthless, in any case. It is, like most things associated with the Star News, banal, soulless and crap. Now onto the slice.
Right off gates this pizza looked pretty good, tasted pretty good, and everything was right with the world. The place has a nice interior, everyone seems pretty cool in there and $5 for 2 slices and a drink isn't the worst special in the world. But then you realize that there's cheese for miles. I thought it was decent cheese at first but as time went on there was just so much of it and it started to taste kinda off.
The sauce was very good, though, I thought. I don't know if this is the same shit as what they use on their pastas but I wouldn't mind going here and eating some of their pasta if that is the case. Or just getting a cup of it and drinkin on it for a while. The crust seemed alright at first but then it just seemed kind of dense and and bland and dumb. But it wasn't that bad. I think they put too much oil in their recipe or some shit. May have also pre-formed the rim, which is unwise.
Oh right here's the slice:
So the rundown: Way too much semi-crummy cheese; too much sauce but it was pretty dank sauce, so I didn't care much. Crust was sort of middle-of-the-road. So all in all it was just alright. If they'd use some better cheese, become less heavy-handed all around and maybe lower the oil content of their dough and increase the salt, they'd have a great slice. That's sort of a lot of ifs, though.
This place used to be called Cosmos and I heard they had pretty good pizza but that's probably bullshit.
4 1/2 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)Pizzetta's Pizzeria - $2.43 4107 Oleander Drive, Wilmington, NC 28403