Wilmington Pizza Insulting the stretch of pavement and stripmalls you call home


Green Line Pizza & Steak

Posted by pete

What Kind of Dickhead Eats Here

This place has been around for a while but I haven't had a chance to review it. On the one hand Brooklyn Pizza is right nearby, so why the fuck would anyone bother? On the other hand I have family in the area so anytime I'm nearby I'll just eat their food for free. It's great.

In the interest of being thorough and goddamn scientific I finally ventured to Green Line Pizza. The place looked deserted except for the fucked up abomination pictured below. Something better known as a conveyor pizza oven. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

20160830_114305Aw hell no. This is just not what you ever, ever, fucking ever want to see in a so-called pizzeria. There's a reason that Dominos uses conveyors and decent pizzerias use deck ovens. It's because any fucked up, untrained mongoloid can slap dough onto a pan and put it on a conveyor and make something resembling pizza whereas you need more than ten minutes of training to use a deck. Unsurprisingly, you can't make pizzas that are worth half a shit using a conveyor. SORRY CHUMPOS.

The one good thing about this slice was the sauce, I thought it was pretty good. Moving on.

Undercooked on the bottom, overcooked on top, the crust had no spring even though it tasted almost entirely of YEAST YECH FUCK BLEGH. Hey chumpos your yeast is dead and so is your pride in making pizza, if it ever existed. The cheese is a fruity fucked up mess, the same kind of shit you find all over fucking PENNSYLVANIA.

These fucking dips brag about bringing Philly pizza to Wilmington. Newsflash, fuckos. I've eaten pizza all over Pennsylvania, including Philly, and it is universally trash. If I ever want to eat Philly garbage cooked up by Greeks I'll bring Cheez Whiz when I fish for pulverized wog nethers in the Cape Fear.


Undercooked is right. It is almost impossible to find a pizza in Wilmington with a more poorly-cooked bottom. When was the last time these greaseballs ate their own product? I'm guessing fucking never. Also a 15" pie - 15 inches of this fucking simple-headed trashbaby nonsense - costs twelve dollars so if you ever want to get ripped off by Greekswho aren't explicitly representing themselves as gypsies then go to this goofy fucking restaurant. Or go to Dominos, spend about half that, and get a better product. Or spend that same $12, go to Brooklyn and get a much larger and infinitely better pizza.

Sorry, had some vulgarity built up from the lack up reviews.


7 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

Green Line Pizza & Steaks - $1.99 + tax
7134 Market Street, Wilmington, NC 28411

Avanti Round Deux

Posted by pete

I got so much shit over my  Avanti review that  I decided to go back. Maybe I had experienced the eventuality bound to afflict any review site: that I had been served a fluke the first time around. And God DAMN if I didn't want to like this pizza. Plus they had an alright deal, $3.99+tax for two cheese slices and a drink. I guess it's just a free drink, but at the time it seemed like an impressive deal. Fuck you.

Right off the bat this shit looked scary:

Unlike the last slice reviewed, these motherfuckers had way too much cheese as opposed to way too much sauce. These shits right here barely had any sauce at all, as far as I could tell. They are fucking entirely different from what I got last time and not in a good way. Rating-wise, Avanti would fare worse in round 2 than in the original gangster review, but out of pity I won't go there.

At first I thought the cheese was kinda crummy and bland but to be honest I think that initial opinion was more a reflection of the fact that there was simply far too much of it on there. I think it had the consistency of a decent cheese, maybe. I don't know.

The crust was shit, too. And as with every other aspect of the slice, it was completely different from the last go-round. It was dry, overcooked, brittle, and tasteless. And look at its complete lack of structural integrity!:

I dunno if it's clear what's happening but that weird pancake of cheese was entirely underneath the slice. and when I tried to lift the slice it tore almost clear in half.  Hey, I'm not a photographer, titbag. Anyway, it just fell apart. Mountain of cheese on a really crummy crust, the bottom coated to holy hell with hell's own version of flour.

After eating this garbage, I dream of the mediocre shit I got here last time. You know how people say that at least things can't get any worse? At least it's all uphill from here? Well, let this be a lesson to you: you never truly know how bad shit can get.

I don't care what any of you say. This place has a certain charm but their pizza is at a very bare minimum improperly made. I don't think I can blame the components, necessarily. This is mainly an undersauced, overcheesed and overcooked affair. Last time it was undercooked and oversauced. Quality Control, guys. Look it up. Consistency!

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Brooklyn Pizza Co.

Posted by pete

Blast from the past

This is another one of the curious establishments where I was expecting to give a worse review than I am about to. When I moved here something like eleven years ago, Brooklyn Pizza was probably the best thing about this town.  Was the pizza as good as what I was used to? No, not quite. It couldn't match the Broadways of Westchester, NY or Venice of Ridgefield, CT (deceased and improperly resurrected), let alone many street pizzerias in NYC. But it was pretty close. And that's saying a hell of a lot.

The reason I wasn't expecting to rate Brooklyn as high as I am about to, despite my previous positive experiences, is that I haven't had a slice from here in years. In the past few years all I've had from here have been pies. Their pies are universally problematic.They have this strange affliction where they are basically perfectly cooked, perfectly made and perfect in every regard except the crust is stupidly soft and rubbery. In my limited pizza making experience I can only imagine that this relates to the over-use of dough conditioner. I may be very wrong.

This review is all about the slice, though. And the extra recharge in the oven really did the trick. Fucking excellent slice of pizza. This slice single-handedly convinced me to request all future Brooklyn pies cooked extra extra long. Check this slice out:
If you ask me, this slice looks at best okay. Firstly, it's kind of small. Is this a 1/8th slice off an 18" or a 1/10th? I don't know but it seemed a bit small, and it still does. I think in some way my concept of slice size legitimacy is obscenely influenced by Portofino, whose slices are gargantuan. Here's a random picture I found on the internet to demonstrate my point. Back to Brooklyn. The slice looks okay. You look at it and think, "this might be okay."

There's oregano flaked pre-cook on the slice, it seems. You won't find that anywhere else around here. Putting oregano in your slow-cooked, terrible sauce is different, sorry. Putting spices on a pie directly before cooking and blasting it for a few minutes with a fire is much better than cooking the shit out of your sauce for 8 years and eternaladeling it on your pie. This is a newsflash for Avanti. All a sauce needs is decent tomatoes and a good balance of sweetness. Spices can, almost entirely, fuck off.

This slice came out to me extremely hot and delicious. This is a newsflash for Princess Pizza. I fucking love cold pizza - in the morning, after I've already paid for my hot pizza the night or three beforehand. As much as I love cold pizza, nothing beats a hot slice. This slice burned my face off in the best way possible. The cheese and sauce came together in the most rapehappy facefuck of a way, it was so friggin great. It's the sort of thing that's nearly impossible to describe but when you experience it, you know. It was the perfect amalgamation of toppings; it was absolutely stellar.

I came here thinking I was in for some shitty rubbery pizza. As it turns out, Brooklyn has some life left in it. Mea culpa.

My favorite Brooklyn story (of many) involves drunkenly punching my friend in the face one night at which is allegedly America's oldest billiards hall, and then buying him a Brooklyn pepperoni pie the next day as an apology.


1 recirc out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

Brooklyn Pizza Co.  - $2.16
6932 Market Street, Wilmington, NC  28411

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