This place is open, what the shit?
I had given up on Hoobie's after peering through their window one day during business hours to see the place in complete disarray with no signage explaining their being mysteriously closed. When some people made it clear to me that this stupid place was actually still in business, I decided that for the sake of this blog's comprehensiveness I'd give it yet another shot. Hoobie's apparently doesn't sell slices but they did have a 10" pie for $3.23 after tax, which is pretty fucking cheap indeed. They seemed to be rather busy in there. I guess people like this place or something. I went here expecting the absolute worst.
Peculiar beast we have here, but it wasn't nearly as bad as I had anticipated. The crust had a general burnt taste to it. It appeared to be cooked on a screen. I don't know where the burnt taste really came from, maybe from residual char left on the screen/oven floor or something. It wasn't anywhere near as bad as the shit served up by Goodfellas, at least. The cheese was a bit of a conundrum. I don't think it was part-skim due to the high grease levels, but it sort of had that globby consistency. And the taste was a bit odd. Do they add another cheese in here besides mozzarella? Maybe provolone? I don't know. I'm probably entirely off base.
One positive that I am able to report is that the sauce was very good. It was a simple sauce and it tasted good. It wasn't fucked to hell with a bunch of unnecessary spices, which was unexpected and welcomed. That doesn't make up for the crummy crust and questionable cheese, though.
God bless you, Hoobie's, you factory of pizza, you.
So, I again ventured to Hoobie's. This time on a Thursday, at like fucking 2 p.m. or something. Last time I went to Hoobie's it was on a Monday at around 3 p.m. On Mondays they allegedly open at 4 p.m. for reasons no sane person could ever come up with. Here are their alleged hours:
Fucking closed. I pray to Couch Boulder that this place is fucking closed for real, for good, forever and for the good of all mankind. They looked forever-closed inside; bullshit was strewn about. Messy bullshit idiotic crap. If that's simply how they leave the joint when they leave, they disgust me. I hate this fucking place. I hope you are closed and also dead, forever.
Come to think of it, the inside of Hoobie's looks a fair bit like the inside of Pizza Joe's off Independence which closed like a year ago after the owner's addict son derped out or something, went full crackhead and caused the place tank to hell, and justly so because it was fucking nauseating. That place is still stocked with random pizzeria shit just lying around, after maybe more than a year. Stupidest shit I've ever seen.
In other news, it looks like Rudinos off Military Cutoff is definitely closed and becoming a New Balance store or something. Vast improvement over that vapid shitbird pizza.
I love it when shitty pizzerias fail. I love the shit out of it.
I'm going to take this inopportune moment to discuss my dissatisfaction with two pizzerias. First of all, fuck both these places. Rarely do I have the opportunity to go to this section of town. When I'm forced here, I'm really fucking forced there. It's crummy.
The first pizza place is god damn Papa Bellas. I used to live a fucking tenth of a mile from this place. I went there once and it was alright. I heard they changed ownership while keeping the name. This makes sense because instead of a pizzeria this place is now a bar. Just a bar. And they're so lazy they kept the random, empty salad bar sitting in the corner. The deal with this place is that they were "out of dough" at 3pm. Alright. Enjoy not existing in six months. Fucking idiots.
Numero Dos. Hoobies, on Exchange aka The place on North College no one goes unless you are my fatass ex-roommate or someone that works in the expansive office complex which houses this place. Luckily for me, I went here after I went to Papa Bellas, and Hoobies was FUCKING CLOSED. AT 3:30PM.
Fuck this place to hell. I used to think this place was bad when I would come home from work, or from anything at all really, and find my roommate on the couch soloing a large Hoobies pizza in his lap. My view was fucking tainted! But regardless, this pizza looked like shit, I don't give a fuck. It used to look terrible. And now I know that on a certain workday they don't open til 4pm. And they're in a complex of office buildings. This place is run by idiots.
Fuck both of these places. Never go to them. Fuck these fucking places.