Wilmington Pizza Insulting the stretch of pavement and stripmalls you call home


Frank’s Pizza

Posted by pete

Now this is the Carolina Beach I was expecting

I like Carolina Beach. There, I said it. And I wanted to like Frank's Pizza. In fact, I was expecting to like this place. I was expecting this to be the grand wizard of Carolina Beach's pitiful pizza scene. Sadly, that is just not how the pizza crumbled. The pizza did crumble, though. Hold on. Imma let you finish, but this was one of the strangest pizzas of all time!

Check this wacky motherfucker out:

What a weird fucking slice! Looks like the fatsos nearby on the beach with fat rolls for days. This is like the least appetizing looking slice of pizza I've ever bought. In terms of sheer, abjectly absurd ugliness it even trumps that fucking stupid slice I got from Slice of Life (though not by much).

Of note is that all that oregano on there was put on by them. And I think that is the fucking bees knees. Not many places around here do this and it's a shame because it's a quick and easy and, most importantly, legitimate way to add flavor to your otherwise mediocre pizza.

A picture really does tell a thousand words in this case. Obviously the crust is garbage. It was formed by a real jerk of a human, clearly. Additionally, it's too thin. And it has approximately zero salt in it. Also there may be no yeast. Like at all. It was so dry the rim crumbled when I fucking glanced at it. It's like some asshole stole some unleavened, tasteless dough from a miscellaneous Jew and pretended it was pizza dough for his own malevolent purposes. There was nothing good about this slice's crust. Here's another picture:

Here's the bottom of the crust. It looks burnt but it's not quite to that point. This is some pretty good browning here, in my opinion. But then look at the top of the pizza and it looks undercooked. It's a shame. But, the strangest motherfucking thing of all is that even though the bottom of this crust was nearly burnt, it was paradoxically the softest crust I've ever experienced. I cannot explain this. I will not even try. It was off-putting and sort of horrible.

The good news is that the rest of this slice was good. The cheese was pretty damn good, and the oregano was awesome, I loved it. The sauce was also pretty damn good. On the whole, I'll even say that the slice tasted pretty good, because of the spice, the sauce and the cheese. The crust, though, had zero flavor, zero moisture, a pitiful, unleavened crumb and it just made me want to recirc into infinity.

As I was leaving, one of the pizza makers dropped an entire pie onto the floor, as he was taking it out of the oven. Maybe he did the same with this plain pie, and maybe that would explain the shortcomings of the product which I received. Maybe this is just how they make pizzas here: 1. Make pie; 2. Throw it on the floor; 3. Sell that shit.

Points taken off for a terrible crust and what can only be described as a complete lack of pride in the product they peddle.

Dough is paramount.

5 1/2 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

Frank's Pizza - $2.43
8 N Carolina Beach Ave,  Carolina Beach, NC 28428

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