Wilmington Pizza Insulting the stretch of pavement and stripmalls you call home


Elizabeth’s Pizza

Posted by pete

I really want this place to not suck so much

Elizabeth's Pizza is very popular in Wilmington. Their food is pretty cheap, especially for the portions. Some people say the food is quite good. I think it's just fairly average overall. It's just that they give you so damn much of it, I think some people feel obligated to equate this with quality. Curiously, probably their worst menu item in my experience is their pizza. That's kind of odd since the word 'pizza' is totally in their name. You'd think it wouldn't be so bad. I must admit that the pizza I got today was actually a little better than it has been in the past.

This place is always busy. Not only because their price point is good; the staff is really awesome here. They're just really damn nice. That's why I hate to give them a negative review. Actually I don't really give a shit. However, if anyone actually read this blog, then I might feel bad. If these reviews were focused on getting fat on the cheap or if they were about rating how awesome a restaurant's staff is, Elizabeth's would do very well. Instead, I'm reviewing the quality of their slice - and their slice sucks.

If these slices look gross to you, that's because they are. The guy behind the counter tricked me into buying two by throwing in a free soda. This is a real scam because their slices are pretty far overpriced to begin with at $2.40+tax for a plain slice. Each slice had about a pound of cheese on it though, so I think Elizabeth's is still losing money on the deal. And the cheese is crap. Fuckin crap. And there's so goddamn much of it. I think this pizza gave me a headache. The cheese is clogging up my braincase, man.

The sauce was crappy too, really pasty and artificial tasting. It was like someone had cooked the sauce down til it was almost nothing and then got some sick old hobo blasted and had him spit in the sauce until it was vaguely spreadable. The crust was better than I've had from here in the past but it was still pretty garbage. The first slice was too thin for the 9000lbs of cheese on the slice and the slice flopped over and almost tore in half. The second slice held up a bit better which is a shame because I wish I hadn't eaten that second goddamn slice. The crust wasn't really bad but it was too dense. Both too thin and too dense, what a shitty combo. The slice also had too much flour on the bottom and showed signs of being cooked on a screen (let's hope my cheese aneurysm is to blame for this vision).

The real killer of this slice is the cheese, though. I guess maybe they're making their pizzas and they figure "Hey what the fuck, everyone loves cheese, no one is going to complain if I put twice as much on!" Wrong, fucko. I'm not one of those sick idiots that orders extra cheese on my pizza, and it's not because I'm a cheapskate jerk (though I am). When you go fucking with the amount of cheese on a pizza, you fuck that pizza right up, necessarily. How come no one orders double sauce? Or double fucking crust? BECAUSE IT'S STUPID AND SO IS DOUBLING THE CHEESE YOU JERKS.

I can't believe I ate all this gross pizza, I hate myself.


6 1/2 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

Elizabeth's Pizza  - $2.59
4304 ½ Market St.  Wilmington, NC 28403

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