Wilmington Pizza Insulting the stretch of pavement and stripmalls you call home

6Sep/110

Hibachi Grill & Supreme Buffet

Posted by pete

Pizza! At a Chinese buffet! Fuck everything about this! I love it!

Holy shit, a Chinese buffet reviewed on a pizza blog. Fuck you because this is history in the making and you probably don't even realize it. There is no reason for me to review this fucking shit but confronted with pizza at a Chinese buffet I felt a calling not unlike Kevin Costner tripping balls in a cornfield. Avert your gaze, mortals:

Well it was dogshit awful. I guess it's just frozen pizza. I wasted some of my vast, priceless, inordinately sexy stomach space on this trash. And I did it just for you. You don't have to thank me, but you probably should. Tasteless cheese, chewy underdone crust, possibly some sauce in there. I ate this thing so fast I don't even know what else to say about it.

The good news is that the rest of Hibachi Grill's food is really good for the most part. The mac and cheese sucks, though. And the boneless spare ribs suck.  Pretty much everything else was awesome, particularly the Hong Kong chicken. And they have bottles of Sriracha for you to guzzle, which is quite satisfactory.

This place is cheap and awesome. The main problem is that they have no booze. Which makes no sense whatsoever. Booze is more profitable than food, and it fills you up to boot. Booze also happens to be the bee's knees.

Come for the pizza, stay for the Americanized Chinese food.

7.5 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

Hibachi Grill & Supreme Buffet - $6.59 + tax
356 S. College Road, Wilmington, NC 28403

Hibachi Grill & Supreme Buffet on Urbanspoon

13May/1121

Tony’s NY Pizza & Trattoria

Posted by pete

There's hope for Leland yet


I fucking love this place. I'll cut to the chase and say that this is not the best pizza reviewed here. I love this place anyway. The space is real big and stupid, not resembling a pizzeria at all. I love this place anyway. There's a formality going on here which I fail to genuinely appreciate. I was hoping Tony's would go the traditional pizzeria route. I may have been praying, I don't know. I knew the space was too big for that purpose, having been to Antonio's in the past, but I still had hope.

The good news is that Tony's is not Antonio's. It's not some generic shit hole serving crappy slices in hell forever. It's a place that very likely serves totally decent Italian-American food that also offers pizza (slices, at that). It's basically a fucking dream. It's like someone shitcanned Antonio's and handed the location over to people that didn't suck dicks for a living. That's basically exactly what happened.

The bad news is that the slice I got wasn't quite what I was expecting. Truth be told I was expecting too much. According to PCF, this place is the result of some serious heavy hitters joining forces: I <3 NY joining forces with Luigi's. I've never eaten at Luigi's, all I know about it is that people said it used to be incredibly good and, according to a friend who worked there, Luigi was Mexican. Is that relevant? I hope not but that's for your racist ass to decide.

I got a fucking slice of pizza:

I sort of hate getting small slices of pizza. Only because I know that a larger slice of pizza doesn't cost the owners much more. We're talking about a matter of cents, or something. That said, this slice wasn't the smallest I've gotten and it was one of the cheapest. So fuck everything I just said. In fact, fuck this entire review.

There is one singular problem with this slice. The crust was far too dry. Overcooked or poor dough formula? I don't know and I'm sick of trying to figure this shit out from afar. Regardless, this was a great slice of pizza. The sauce was great. It was fucking great. The cheese was unassailable. Really the only problem was that the crust was exceptionally dry. It's kind of shocking considering how much regard I have for I <3 NY. Also the last time I went to I <3 NY, the crust was so far from dry that it was terrible. I went there recently and it was fucking sort of shit. Fucking pissed me off. But is wasn't dry.

Maybe I went here with too much expectation. Considering the people running this place I was expecting Tony's to trump all others I've reviewed. But that's kind of unreasonable. They're brand new. Still, they should understand their dough and oven well enough to prepare a better crust than this. Even so, it was quite good. Compared to the place that used to be here, Antonio's, Tony's is fucking light years beyond them. They don't even have any competition in Leland, so they're fucking set. The only thing that gives me pause is the large location and sit-down atmosphere.

Leland is a terrible place, slightly worse than Wilmington.  I fucking hate it. If you are ever there I suggest you go to Tony's.

Whiskey.

2 1/2 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

Tony's NY Pizza & Trattoria - $1.99
1107 New Point Blvd.  Leland, NC 28451

Tony's NY Pizza & Trattoria on Urbanspoon

13Feb/116

I Love NY Pizza

Posted by pete

The holy grail, or thereabouts

If nothing else, I Love NY Pizza certainly looks the part. Sexy motherfuckin place right here. I love it. One of my friends hates this place because the owner was rude to him. That's one of the reasons I love this place. Old Italian dude behind the counter hurrying you up even though there is nothing going on, no other customers, etc? That is the sign of a great NY-style pizzeria. I don't see that guy in here as much anymore but everyone here is cool and the pizza is awesome. Though my fridge was stuffed with Dominos my roommate drunkenly bought, I drove here for a couple slices. They didn't disappoint. Well, for the most part.

I was really expecting this slice to outclass Brooklyn Pizza Co, but it didn't. This was a great slice, though. Crust was delicious and crispy, as it always is here. These guys know the deal and actually undercook their slice pies so that when they reheat em, THEY'RE FUCKING PERFECT. Which is good. I went there once and just said gimme a slice of pizza, don't even heat it up. And it was undercooked. And it was all my fault. Lesson learned. Anyway the cheese was very good and the sauce was good. And the slice was pretty damn big. They cut em out of 19" pies, so there you go.

My brain keeps insisting I compare this slice to Brooklyn's. I've been arguing with my family for years saying that I <3 NY is better than Brooklyn. In a way this is true. NY is cheaper, bigger (by the slice and by the pie), has much better pies, and other shit I'm not thinking of now because I'm drunk on bacon-infused bourbon. But in terms of a slice of god damn cheese pizza, out of nowhere, Brooklyn wins. NY's slice just didn't have enough spice on it. It wasn't bland, but it didn't quite match Brooklyn's clusterfuck of deliciousness. As some vague display of impartiality, I cannot rate this as high as Brooklyn (or, as it were, as low, per the recirc grading system).

The other slice of pizza pictured above is their Roma Spinach slice. It's easily my favorite slice in town and a real steal for three bucks. It has spinach, Roma tomatoes, garlic, and feta on there, along with the mozzarella of course. Fucking awesome. They also have some shit called the Rio Rancho, which would be illegal to even describe. It will simultaneously blow your mind and your gut. Here is another thing I <3 NY must be commended on (Brooklyn should also receive honorable mention for this):

On every table. Fuck yeah. I love you guys.

One time I saw a dude pick up an oregano shaker at Brooklyn, shove it down his pants, and walk out. Classy shit.

1 1/2 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

I Love NY Pizza - $2.00
28 N Front St  Wilmington, NC 28401

I Love NY Pizza on Urbanspoon

28Dec/1047

Nino’s Pizza & Pasta

Posted by pete

Good pizza in Castle Hayne, what the shit

I've been to this place once before and the slice was alright, kind of mediocre. I decided to go back today because I was driving past it anyway, plus I got this strange card for Xmas called a Frank Card, which allegedly entitled me to a free slice of pizza from Nino's. Well when I got there it turns out you have to buy something to get that free slice. I didn't really give a shit because I was going to get something anyway, but normally I'd take a shit on the floor of such a shyster establishment. Regardless it would be a good deal though - 2 slices for $1.75? That's an even better deal than the shitty buck-slices in NYC.

The pizza was good. Here's a picture:

Let's start with the bad, because that's the most fun. It's got a big old burnt bubble on it! Either they cooked the pie too long to begin with or they cooked the slice too long on reheat. Either way, that's pretty shitty. It didn't bother me a ton, though. It's also a bit more greasy than a lot of places. That's a negative for most people but I'm totally down with a fairly greasy slice. My favorite pies from childhood were always pretty damn greasy. Finally to round out the negatives, this slice is a bit small in my estimation. However, for a buck seventy-five, you can't really complain too much. Come to think of it, it sort of looks like a plain slice of pizza from a Papa John's franchise with substandard Quality Control. And yet it was good!?

The cheese is good, the sauce is good, and the crust, though that rim doesn't look too good in the picture, is probably somewhere in that nebulous realm between good and great. Very thin, yet not floppy. Had a very nice crunch to it and it folded perfectly. The bottom was well cooked, unlike that mutant burn-bubble and the strange rim. I can't really talk shit about the rim because even though it looked a bit overdone, it was more or less what I'd consider the ideal NY texture. It also tasted very good. There was the right amount of salt there and the flour seemed like the high gluten you'd expect from this type of pizza.

The shop itself is pretty nice and quaint. I don't know anything about the history of Nino's but I'm guessing they made pizza in NY before moving down here. Their one fault in this regard, which is excusable when you live in redneck Castle Hayne, is that they're a bit too nice. And they're not even terribly nice by any local standard. It's just that I love pizzerias where the guy handing you your pizza looks as though he's really pissed off that he forgot to spit on your slice.

Thanks for the free slice, guys. It didn't have any effect on your recirc score (which woulda been better if the slice had been cooked less), I swear.

Rating:

3 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)
Nino's Pizza & Pasta  - $1.75
2535 Castle Hayne Rd # A, Wilmington, NC 28401

Nino's Pizza on Urbanspoon

24Dec/1024

Princess Pizza

Posted by pete

I don't even know what's going on right now

Check it out, I hate this place. Before I continue I'll preface this by saying that I've been drunk since late morning. It's sort-of-holiday-time though so I will request leniency. Back to this terrible pizzeria. When this place opened up 2 or 3 or 9000 years ago, my first thought was, "Sweet, another pizza place downtown." I punch myself in the dick every day for thinking that.

The first time i went to this terrible establishment, my hopes were high. And then I saw that it was a super shit-town assface cheaply-made replica of I<3NY. You walk in there and you even see the same black dude with mega dreads that used to work at I<3NY, thats how much of a replica it is. Except the Italian/New York motherfuckers are now Middle Eastern or something. It's like you took a spaceship to bizarro-town and wound up in Fuckyouville. You don't get what you pay for and you're completely lost and no one is even trying to help you.

I don't even feel like describing this pizza, I hate this shit. They're actually not that far from making a decent pizza, that's the shitty kicker right there. I guess I will describe it and hate myself for doing so, since that's the point of this blog. Here's a picture to start with:

hello

This is a terrible looking slice of pizza. I fucking hate to look at it and I hope you do too. First of all the top is burnt, there's no getting around that. In my worthless opinion, burnt cheese is turbo okay. Here, though, it can fuck right off. Also, usually, I love crust. But here the crust is huge. Like half the slice has no cheese and barely any sauce on it. I hate the person that made this pizza. These guys do no business and still lack the time to make a decent pizza. What's wrong with you guys? You suck.

The crust is stupid-thin at the front of this slice. Anyone that says that NY-style pizza can't be too thin can fuck right off. Conversely, the crust is overly-thick at the rear of the slice, and the whole fucking thing is underdone. Except the top, which is burnt. This is a slice of pizza where you know the jerkfish making it was just trying to fuck over everyone who might try it. This place should be called Sadist Pizza, I hate these guys and they can get lost. Every time I go here the pizza is shit. Who the fuck goes here besides me? Assholes, every one of them. Walk a block and spend eleven more cents at I<3NY.

By the way, the dude threw my slice into the oven for all of one minute before handing it to me on this plate. It was barely warm. I fucking hate you guys and I have no idea how you remain in business, sucking as hard as you do. Also, fuck your ice cream and pies and shit, you assholes.

All of my pity tips must be adding up at this place, sustaining it. I'm never going back, so they will soon perish. You're welcome.

Rating:

7 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)
Princess Pizza - $1.89
204 Princess Street  Wilmington, NC

Princess Pizza on Urbanspoon