Wilmington Pizza Insulting the stretch of pavement and stripmalls you call home

1Jun/171

Geno’s Pizzeria

Posted by pete

Planet Earth's Worst Pizza Slice

This. This is the worst pizza I have ever had. Without question. It is so startlingly bad as to defy any semblance of logic in regards to how this pizzeria even exists. If you gave me an old piece of flooring from a spent crack den and asked for a comparison, I would readily say that the crack den's flooring was a far better example of pizza than the piss-shit garbage they sell at Geno's.

This shit looks worse than a preschooler's attempt at Play-Doh pizza. And guess what? Right. I'd rather eat Play-Doh than eat Geno's garbage bullshit ever again.

I knew I was in for some shit when the pizza guy started cleaning the oven after my slice went in. That's right, AFTER my slice went in. He opened the oven, saw it was fucking gross, put my slice in, and then proceeded to clean around my slice. So the bottom of my slice was covered in burnt chunks of shit. Not to mention the pound of flour. YUMMY.

If you care, the cheese was atrocious. The sauce was shit. The crust almost broke my tooth because portions of it were randomly rock hard. I'd wager they close in September, and that's being really generous.

On a lighter note, I bought this slice at 4pm on Memorial Day weekend and they had made so little money he couldn't break a twenty from the register. He asked me if I had a smaller bill. You can't break a twenty after being open for five hours, motherfucker? He had to go find some plastic bucket full of stripper money and even then he barely managed.

Fuck this place forever, just fuck off guys. You get the worst rating possible. Full 8 out of 8 recircs. You are the fucking worst shit in the world.

bye bye

8 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

Geno's Pizzeria - $2.50
124 Pricess Street Wilmington, NC 28401
1Sep/160

Green Line Pizza & Steak

Posted by pete

What Kind of Dickhead Eats Here
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This place has been around for a while but I haven't had a chance to review it. On the one hand Brooklyn Pizza is right nearby, so why the fuck would anyone bother? On the other hand I have family in the area so anytime I'm nearby I'll just eat their food for free. It's great.

In the interest of being thorough and goddamn scientific I finally ventured to Green Line Pizza. The place looked deserted except for the fucked up abomination pictured below. Something better known as a conveyor pizza oven. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

20160830_114305Aw hell no. This is just not what you ever, ever, fucking ever want to see in a so-called pizzeria. There's a reason that Dominos uses conveyors and decent pizzerias use deck ovens. It's because any fucked up, untrained mongoloid can slap dough onto a pan and put it on a conveyor and make something resembling pizza whereas you need more than ten minutes of training to use a deck. Unsurprisingly, you can't make pizzas that are worth half a shit using a conveyor. SORRY CHUMPOS.

20160830_115404
The one good thing about this slice was the sauce, I thought it was pretty good. Moving on.

Undercooked on the bottom, overcooked on top, the crust had no spring even though it tasted almost entirely of YEAST YECH FUCK BLEGH. Hey chumpos your yeast is dead and so is your pride in making pizza, if it ever existed. The cheese is a fruity fucked up mess, the same kind of shit you find all over fucking PENNSYLVANIA.

These fucking dips brag about bringing Philly pizza to Wilmington. Newsflash, fuckos. I've eaten pizza all over Pennsylvania, including Philly, and it is universally trash. If I ever want to eat Philly garbage cooked up by Greeks I'll bring Cheez Whiz when I fish for pulverized wog nethers in the Cape Fear.

20160830_115524

Undercooked is right. It is almost impossible to find a pizza in Wilmington with a more poorly-cooked bottom. When was the last time these greaseballs ate their own product? I'm guessing fucking never. Also a 15" pie - 15 inches of this fucking simple-headed trashbaby nonsense - costs twelve dollars so if you ever want to get ripped off by Greekswho aren't explicitly representing themselves as gypsies then go to this goofy fucking restaurant. Or go to Dominos, spend about half that, and get a better product. Or spend that same $12, go to Brooklyn and get a much larger and infinitely better pizza.

Sorry, had some vulgarity built up from the lack up reviews.

Gypsies.

7 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

Green Line Pizza & Steaks - $1.99 + tax
7134 Market Street, Wilmington, NC 28411