Wilmington Pizza Insulting the stretch of pavement and stripmalls you call home


Michaelangelos Pizza & Subs

I'd love to wear a rainbow every day, and tell the world that everything's okay

Jesus, fuck. I was pretty sure my day, from a culinary perspective, had hit its low after I vomited up all of my (rather bad) lunch. How wrong I was. I just got back from going to Michaelangelos on South College, or some-fucking-where. I don't give a shit where it was. I also went to the new Slice of Life on South College, which I will post about next. These two stupid piece of shit establishments have double-handedly shaken my belief in Pizza. Being that I have no god, I try to hold onto what little I do believe in, and I take this shit seriously.

I used to go to the Michaelangelos (also, ever heard of an apostrophe you shitbirds?) off Eastwood sometimes during my college days at UNCW. All you can eat for 5 bucks? Alright, I'll eat that shit. And the pizza was, I thought, pretty good. I probably never had a fucking plain slice there, though, come to think of it. I remember one particular occasion where I took far too much LSD and was out of my fucking skull for 18 or 20 or some stupid number of hours, dry heaving like a maniac and quite concerned that if I wasn't already, I'd probably be dead soon. Then a friend took me to Michaelangelos and the beach, and I was cured. So even though this place is basically my savior, Michaelangelos can eat shit in hell forever. Just like Jesus Christ.

The crust was weirdly soft and sort of dense, had no character, sucked balls, had a bit of a foul taste. The cheese seemed bland at first but then I ran into globs and globs of it and realized that it was fucking gross. I don't know if there was sauce on here and I don't care. Maybe the sauce was good, but I couldn't even taste it, so I don't care. In all likelihood it was probably very gross too, for balance and consistency.  And this thing cost $2.54, which is a scam. Get the fuck outta here. If I come there during lunch you guys are gonna charge me $5 for as much gross horseshit as I can stuff down my gullet, but this one terrible slice costs half that? A plain slice should be two dollars in this area, unless it's very good. Since this slice was very bad it should be under two dollars.

Avoid this fucking place. Hell, avoid Monkey Junction altogether.

Somehow Slice of Life was worse than this. Sort of.

6 1/2 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

Michaelangelos Pizza & Subs - $2.54
5617 Carolina Beach Road Unit 110,  Wilmington, NC 28409

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Posted by pete

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