Wilmington Pizza Insulting the stretch of pavement and stripmalls you call home

25Jan/113

Krazy Pizza & Subs

The things I do for my non-existent readers
Jesus fish, flags out the ass, stupid plate. Big shocker that you have no taste in pizza.

On my way to the bank I saw this place and figured I might as well fucking get it over with. I've been to Krazy once before, maybe twice. I don't think I ever had the pizza, though. I knew it would be bad. There's no such thing as a good pizzeria with such a stupid name. It's so stupid I think Pizza Tycoon used it as one of their stock pizzeria names, but I'm not sure. There are multiple locations around town, at least there were. I think the one on College Road closed down. I think it was owned by different people anyway. Did you notice that I'm doing everything in my power to not begin actually discussing the slice? Ah, fuck it.

The slice was very thin. That's usually an alright sign. I was worried it would be too thin and flop right the fuck over but it didn't - which is fairly remarkable given how much sauce was on this bastard. So, yes, the sauce. It was pretty gross (pasty, over-seasoned) and there was a lot of it. The oversaucing wasn't as bad as at Avanti, but not for a lack of trying, I'm sure. The cheese was bland and globby. The rim of the crust was very dense and very dry.

It had some weird shit on the bottom of it. I guess it was flour, but the granules seemed too big to be flour. It wasn't cornmeal because the granules were too small to be cornmeal. It was like some fucked up Goldilocks and The Three Bears shit goin on, except it was not 'just right.' I think it was sand. Also my slice had some canned spinach or something on it. The fuck?

I don't really have much more to say about this slice of pizza. It was pretty bad! Afterwards I went to Taco Bell, in honor of this lawsuit bitching about their meat. I mention this to reinforce how fat I am and because I don't give a shit. So I ordered my terrible chicken burrito 'fresco style' because everything at Taco Bell is gross besides their fresco salsa and their sauce packets. As I'm waiting for my order, the woman behind me orders some bullshit for herself and requests 'no meat.' The cashier goes on and on listing every ingredient, asking whether she wants it or not. Finally she's like "Okay. Just make it like you normally do but with no meat." But this guy was really thorough, so he had to make sure of one more thing: "Do you want jalapeno sauce?" "Does it normally come with that?" "Yes" "Okay then yes, I want it. Just no meat. That's it."

Then he stops the whole process, telling her to hold on, and yells to the back, "Hey! Listen up. The way I'm putting this order in, that's   how you should make it ... because it's pretty confusing!"

This is when I got nervous and decided to check my receipt:

Instead of writing "fresco style" he decided to write "rawberry." I don't know what a fucking rawberry is but my burrito didn't have any goddamn rawberries in it, and it sure as hell wasn't fresco style either. I can only dream of what that woman's receipt looked like and how many pounds of disgusting near-beef she got. Now I want to shit, vomit, cry and recirc. Thanks for listening.

Oh yeah you know what else pissed me off? I could've went to Mellow Mushroom and drank Bell's Hopslam pints for $2.50 and gotten tanked, and eaten much better pizza to boot.

Rating:

6 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better); Taco bell gets over 9000 recircs and also 8 projectile vomits and 144 cases of the runs

Krazy Pizza & Subs - $2.16
1616 Shipyard Blvd # 20, Wilmington, NC 28412

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Posted by pete

Comments (3) Trackbacks (0)
  1. HA! HA! I hate Taco Bell on seventeenth street! I once ordered some crappy shit from their all fresco style and no meat, it took those monkeys three fucking tries to get it right. Crappy service must be a requirement for employment at that schmooze hole. Last time I tortured myself with that crap I made sure to bring six dollars in penny rolls, be assured that I open those penny rolls onto the counter while paying for my order. The manager didn’t want to count all those pennies so she just gave me my order for free. I showed my appreciation for her gratitude by dropping the food on the floor and asking her to redo it! Pay back is a penny carrying beotch!

  2. well that seems like a bit much

  3. I wish I had saw your blog few days ago. That place was so crowded we thought we should give it a try. First, the waitress misunderstood “greek pizza” f0or meat pizza, and after waiting another 15 minutes, we had this terribly disgusting pizza. What a blood pressure raising experience !


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