Wilmington Pizza Insulting the stretch of pavement and stripmalls you call home

19Mar/120

Home Run Inn Classic

Son of a

Fine people of the planet earth: never buy Home Run Inn pizza. This shit is very small, very expensive and very bad, too. At its regular price of $4.29 (at Harris Teeter), this is indisputably the most egregiously overpriced pizza ever to grace the pages of this godawful blog. I bought it because I'm a pizza nerd and because it was half-off, so it only cost me $2.15+tax. At that price, it is indisputably the most egregiously overpriced pizza to grace the pages of this godawful blog.

I thought it might be good, too, goddamnit. The picture on the box gives it a passing resemblance to bad NY-style pizza. Which, in the world of frozen pizza, puts this shit in ambrosia territory. But when I retrieved the discus from the lying-cheating-whore-of-a-box it was as if I had come face-to-face with my own mortality. It was like some Norse God came out of bloody nowhere, grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and before I even had time to shit my pants said, "You will never know peace in this world."

After seeing this monstrosity birthed from it's boxy mother I was certain I should have instead spent the two dollars on a kick to my scrotum. Yet, in the back of my mind (and scrotum), I had a faint hope that the application of 450 degrees of Kevin Bacon might turn it into something edible. As usual, the back of my scrotum misled me. This pizza was so fucked.

I baked this thing less than their minimum baking time suggestion and it was already about to be burnt around the edges. I include the box picture alongside the real deal because I know you fucks are too lazy to scroll up and compare for your damn selves. This stupid shitbird pizza looks nothing like that picture. You will notice I added crushed red pepper. Ignore the spicy flakes behind the curtain.

The cheese had this plastic quality that I could not seem to fully appreciate. The sauce wasn't half bad, really. Maybe one of the better frozen pizza sauces I've had. The crust was the most vile thing I've ever tasted. It was dry and chalky and gross. Makes me wonder what kind of nutball committee okayed this monstrosity and thought $4.29 was a good price. Frozen pizzas which I've bought for a buck were bigger and tasted better than this bullshit.

If I had paid full price for this garbage I would have taken one bite and promptly returned it to Harris Teeter. Then I would have bought the rest of their stock and repeated that process ad nauseum. I can say without question that this is the worst 'pizza' I've ever consumed. Which makes sense since Home Run Inn hails from Chicago.

Posted by pete

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