Wilmington Pizza Insulting the stretch of pavement and stripmalls you call home

13Jan/120

Freschetta By The Slice

Why?

You ever seen this shit in the store? Why the fuck have companies started selling frozen pizza by the slice? I don't see the point of this at all. I'd never considered buying one of these until this morning when I was feeling even more self-loathing than normal. I was buying like 8 cans of soup, for some reason (I guess because I like soup), and whilst walking through the frozen aisle I saw this and was really offended. But then I saw that it was on clearance for $1.59, so I bought the hell out of it.

I didn't bother looking at the cooking instructions before buying this. Luckily, it had microwave instructions. This was good because I was bringing this to eat at work and we don't have a fucking oven at work. What we have is the smallest, oldest microwave I've ever laid eyes upon. It took a lot longer than anticipated, but by some freak chance this thing actually 'finished' 'cooking' at some point.

Holy shit does that look terrible! Thankfully it tasted a tad better than it looked. The contraption it was laid atop seemed to cook it sort of, kind of, vaguely okay. The toppings were alright. The BBQ sauce was kind of cloyingly sweet and offensive. The crust was as shitty as other Freschetta crusts. All in all, it sort of tasted like what might happen if you were to reheat the result of someone eating a lot of good food, vomiting it back out onto a weird metallic-esque triangular prison of shame, shrink wrapping it, boxing it, and freezing it.

It was an abomination.

Posted by pete

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