Wilmington Pizza Insulting the stretch of pavement and stripmalls you call home

23Feb/1115

Goodfellas Pizza

Fairly shit

This place took over from the S. College location of Krazy Pizza. Wow that pizza was shitty. I remember my little sister won a free pizza from here or something and instead of consuming it she just threw it at a hobo, square in the face. Thankfully, Goodfellas' pizza was better than the old Krazy's. Maybe. I don't fucking know. I think I ate at the old Krazy establishment once and it was awful but it was probably seven or more years ago.

Regardless, I was hoping this place would be really great. I have high hopes for new places, I really do. Apparently everyone that read my Pizzetta's review thinks I'm a terrible whirlwind of illiterate, unpalated, diseased ineptitude. Luckily for me, I'm pretty sure everyone that commented thusly either has a stake in the place or is long on chromosomes. So I came to Goodfellas hoping to have a great god damn slice; hoping to be able to rave about a new establishment in a shitty town full of assholes eating shitty, filthy shit. Instead I went into a giant and empty weirdo pizzeria. It was like 7 or 7:30 p.m. and there was literally no one in here besides 2 pizza cooks and a girl behind the register. And this place is huge. And they're like a tenth of a mile from UNCW. And they serve cheep beer. At this point, I knew I was fucked.

And then I knew I was super fucked when I walked in, because this is strictly a waitressed establishment. And when I say strictly, I don't mean strictly. I don't know what I mean. Maybe the girl behind the counter was just really bored with sitting behind the counter for hours and demanded to wait on me as though I wanted something besides a fucking slice of pizza in a shitty hole-in-the-wall pizzeria. More than likely they're trying to force a sit-down atmosphere in a cheapo college area. It worked I guess because instead of a slice I got 2 slices, a drink and left a tip. Fuck it, I've already gone off on a tangent, I'm gonna go off on another: This shopping center simply can't handle all these businesses, parking-wise. Bdobo alone could fill up the entire parking lot of this place, and they deserve to be able to do so cuz that place is awesome. Throw in a Japanese place, a couple bars, a pizzeria, a bunch of clothing places, a college book store, an adult store, a video game store, all the other shit that is there and, well, everything is fucked. Sorry.

But, thankfully (in a sense), this place is fucked for other, more pertinent, reasons. I was disheartened to have to shell out extra money for a waitress, but she was very nice and particularly attractive, if I may stoop so low to say so. I didn't mind putting a dollar or two in her tip jar. But fuck me the pizza was really, really crummy.

Looks pretty terrible, but let's keep an open mind. Don't bother, it sucked. Too much sauce and the sauce was fucked. It was way overspiced, overcooked and likely even burnt. I only say likely because I found, later on, a number of burnt, crunchy mystery morsels embedded in the bottom of my crust. Way gross. I can't be entirely sure if the sauce itself was burnt but I think it was, and regardless, I know that the whole fucking slice tasted burnt so what's the difference. I don't think the cheese tasted like fuck-all, but honestly I cannot attest to it because my mouth just had this terrible char flavor the entire time. The crust was both overly soft and had sort of a nice crunch. The only explanation is the use or overuse of dough conditioner. As an aside, the crust's flavor didn't exist. It was like a black hole of 'fuck you.' If you are wondering how I knew this since everything tasted burnt, I fucking ate a bite out of the rim right off gates, so fuck you. Also, the slice on the right's rim looks like someone mangled it with their thumb. Check it out. Fuck that.

I'd like to give this place some tips (not that they'll read this or care), but I can't. You have to start from scratch as far as the pizza goes. The good news is that you are in good company. This town is shit. The bad news is that you are near the campus. Living amongst parent-funded stoners, you have to be either good, or cheap. You are basically fucking neither. You won't last and I don't care. And yes, that is the fucking bourbon talking.

God save good pizza.

6 1/2 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

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Update 7/29/2011 - I've been here since then and the pizza didn't taste like burnt shit. It was actually completely different from the slices previously reviewed. Didn't even seem remotely similar.

 
Goodfellas Pizza - $2.69
417 S. College Rd., Wilmington, NC 28403

Goodfellas Pizza on Urbanspoon

Posted by pete

Comments (15) Trackbacks (0)
  1. WHY DONT YOU JUST GIVE THEM TIME TO SETTLE IN TO THE BUSINESS BEFORE YOU GO AND BASH THEM. IM SURE THESE OWNERS HAVE PUT ALOT OF TIME AND MONEY INTO THIS ESTABLISHMENT GIVE THEM A BREAK BEFORE YOU RUIN THERE BUSINESS!!!!

  2. hey bro, why dont you hop off everyones back. theyre people trying to make an honest living who put their heart and soul into their places of business. while theres other people like you plaquing the earth with BULLSHIT. :)

  3. stop spamming all my posts. i can see your IP and you are an annoying shitdick.

    • Keep up the good work brave pizza man! I like your reviews and find them all so very true and helpful. I do not think that your opinions could ruin a pizza shop, I would have to figure that bad food would do that on its own. It is very funny how these businesses come on here and slam you for having an opinion, I guess you should be more like encore and give all these crappy joints good reviews (whores)…

  4. Shakeys a loser and so is pete

  5. You need to check out Luciano’s on Market… best place in Wilmington by far. im from up north and haven’t found anything i really liked until Luciano’s. They also have great deals on their coupon they give out with every order. It blows Elizabeths out of the water… but i havent been to Brooklyn pizza yet.

  6. I’ve gotta say, your reviews are pretty much on par with what I say about the pizza places we have in common. I’m from NY also and not that your reviews would keep me out of a place, but if I read a shitty one & end up straying from Brooklyn’s or Incredible’s on New Centre, I won’t be surprised if I hate the pizza. Also, the annon. guy who keeps posting has terrible grammar, which makes me honestly believe that he is a moron who knows nothing about pizza! Keep it up!

  7. Our first time eating at Goodfellas Pizza was tonight. The food was pretty good but my husband immediately sensed discord among the staff. His intuition proved to be true after the manager Jim, yelled at one young man and then proceeded to yell at our waitress ( a wonderful young lady). Our waitress began to cry. I watched the scene unfold while I was eating my pizza. How disturbing! What could have been a wonderful evening for us and a fun place to work for this young college student, turned into a nightmare. No one should work under these conditions and I reminded this young lady of that fact. The place was far from rocking. In fact, the customers were so sparce I wondered how they remained in business. Ego trip?? I may be a little presumptuous, but Jim probably has issues….power, controlling, etc. Lose this guy or lose your charming little pizza place.

  8. jim was actually fired for that incident by the owners that day.

  9. What kind of business doesn’t answer their phone during business hours? Not even answering machine in use, just some voice mailbox not activated. What kind of crap is that? Really? These owners, Matthew and Jeremy, need to either get their act together or pack their bags and head on up to I-40 and keep going! I plan to order from Hoobies or Ninos; they’re both great and based on the reviews, probably better than Goodfellas.

  10. hahahahahaahahah! I loved this review so much for so many reasons. Gives me hope that bad people don’t get ahead in this world. Have you seen their Youtub ad? Damn that kid got fat!

  11. It is a little weird that this guy wrote a huge write up on this pizza place. I would say he is either a former employer of this pizza place owner, or he has a pizza place near it. I am a former pizza place owner, and i can tell you from experience that you cant please everyone. I never ate thee so i could not tell you how it was. I think that place is closed. I am planning on opening a pizza place in wilmington soon, and i hope this asshole can keep it short and sweet on reviews. either you like it or you dont. you dont have to write a book about it

    • if you open up a pizzeria in town i will write a book about it. that is, if your standard of the word book is a few paragraphs. man up, make good pizza, revel in the dough. you never even went to goodfellas. so, you know, fuck off. they closed down because they sucked. really sorry i wrote about it. wait. nope. im not.

      btw if you really are opening a pizzeria here soon, you would use this site as a resource. you seem too stupid though, so please continue jamming dicks into your eye sockets.


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