What the fuck did I really just enjoy Brixx
I went to Brixx with my liquorlunch cohort the other day, mostly because I'm a fucking pizza weirdo who is trying to eat at every joint in town, but also because on Mondays all their draft pints are $2.50. And they have some pretty good beer! Of the four pints I had, the last three were Victory Hop Wallop. Now that's a fucking beer. This beer is so damn delicious that when I came back to Brixx because I forgot to take an exterior picture for this blog entry, the only thing I accomplished was drinking two more Hop Wallops. I guess I'll just have to go back next Monday and drink more beer and again forget to take an exterior picture.
So, obviously I love their beer selection and their Monday beer special. I already kind of knew I would before coming here, because I just love beer. Like a lot. I was not expecting to love or even like the pizza. Their menu does not seem to include a basic cheese pizza, which I think is weird. They offer some sort of excuse for a margherita pizza, but it looked really stupid. No place in town even seems to know what a fucking margherita pizza is (see Kornerstone, Osteria Cicchetti). Here's what the Brixx margherita looks like according to their website:
That's just stupid. Fuck it, that's not the point anyway. I figured I'd get around the lack of a real cheese pizza by ordering a Wood-roasted vegetable pizza with the toppings removed on one half of the pie. Half cheese, half veg. I did this because the vegetable pizza is cheap (comparatively, at $9). Apparently only putting toppings on half the pizza is quite a bit of extra work because I was charged $11 for a "half and half" pizza. That's pretty fucky in my book. Maybe the menu warns you of this but I was too beerblasted to notice or care. I wonder if I can just get a cheese pizza next time. It would probably cost me an arm and a leg.
The $11 pizza:
As soon as I came out I thought, "shit this looks good." Yeah, the toppings look alright I guess, but the cheese side was what caused my instantaneous salivation. I could tell the cheese was going to be phenomenal upon first glance, and the pie didn't look oversauced. The crust, which I had previously assumed would be horseshit, looked alright. I could tell that me and my compatriot were going to be fighting over the cheese half (we only ordered one pie; we came here for the beer, you morans).
The cheese slices were so damn good I busted out a fucking knife and cut one of the slices in half so we each ended up having 1.5 slices of that shit. The veg side was good, no complaints at all, but the cheese side was glorious. Mostly this had to do with the actual cheese used, which is apparently Grande mozzarella. All pizzerias should use this product. I want make a little hat out of it and wear it around and eat little bits off of it all day long. I want to have my girlfriend chew up a bunch of it and feed it to me like I'm a baby bird.
I'm sorry. I got carried away. Deep breath. Okay. The rest of this pizza was alright. The sauce was good. It was sort of mild, a bit tangy or some shit. It was definitely not pasty or overspiced, which makes it probably one of the best sauces in this shitty town, pizza-wise. The crust was okay. I have to take points off for their overuse of flour or something on the bottom of the pie, but it was not that big of a detraction, really. I think that damn ubercheese might still be clouding my already questionable judgement.
I wanted to loathe this place as much as you wanted me to write one of my typical hate-fueled blog entries. So again I must apologize. I must also apologize to my father who has spoken many-a-time of his love for Brixx pizza. I told him he was a doddering old fool because there was no way in hell that this place was anything but utter goddamn shit. As it turns out, I like Brixx. Is it some weird chain's version of an amalgam of Neapolitan and New York-style pizza? Yes. Is it flawed? Yes. Is it good? Yes it is, motherfucker, did you even read this review?
I got paid over 9000 beers for this review.
3 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)9-11 ducks 6801 Main Street, Wilmington, NC 28405
I've got the fear
I wish I could say that I didn't know what I was getting into when I decided to go to Cici's, but I did. I knew full damn well what I was getting into. I'd been here years ago, a little while after they opened. Their pizza was as offensive as it was inoffensive. At the time I figured they just bought frozen pizza from the grocery store next door, threw it in the oven, then let the peons ingest, as is their wont. Presently I think they just shit onto pizza pans.
My former intention was to eschew this place in terms of blogitude, since, after all, this is a pizza blog. No motherfucker is going here for the pizza. People go here to get fat. If you question that, just go to Cici's and view the wildlife in their natural habitat. Whole families of fatties waddling and swaddling, rolling and folding into chairs and booths (preferably booths, let's be serious) to get that next overflowing plate polished off. It's as if they don't realize that this sideshow is not a race; the food is infinite. No kidding! It's both fun to watch and also overwhelmingly terrible.
That said, even for the pizza connoisseur it becomes a matter of some competitiveness; despite my misgivings, I ate up a fucking storm.
As an aside: once, shortly after an impressive abdominal surgery, I forced approximately 4 Bdobo plates into myself. I think I busted at least one gut and countless stitches. That is to say, I am well-acquainted with the desire to kill yourself in order to "get your money's worth." Because if you're paying 7-8 dollars for shitty pizza and sugary fizz-water, you damn well better make sure you go away feeling as terrible and fat as the rest of the world already knows you are.
I hate to say it, but this fucking cheese pizza was not as bad as it ought to have been. The sauce was better than I've had at some places in town but was still too pasty, too overcooked, too overspiced and too prevalent. The cheese seemed alright. Doesn't make a damn bit of sense but I thought it was okay, so fuck off. The crust was better than any chain pizza and worse than any real pizzeria, so take that for what it's worth (not much).
The main reason I went here was because I had a B1G1 Free coupon and my girlfriend likes this kind of bullshit smorgasbord almost as much as she likes going to ritzy places downtown. But it still cost me almost ten ducklings. I'd rather go to PT's Grille, frankly. I love that place. Their menu is amazing, employees are awesome, beer is cheap, burgers are awesome, garlic fries are pure facerape.
Though, at the end of the day of pizza buffet, I was still able to destroy two scrommings for about eight dollars; coulda been worse. But it could have also been better, like if I had gone to Michaelangelos, because they also have a lunchtime buffet deal, which is better and maybe even cheaper.
Struggled a bit with this rating, to be sure. I'm settling on a 6. Better than anyone would have guessed, I'm sure. If you are wondering how this place ranks better than some of Wilmington's holier-than-though institutions, it's because you're a fucking twat.
News: Apparently Nino's is opening a location (I assume it's from the same folks in Wrightsboro but maybe not) at 5500 Market St. Odd location, in my opinion. The more you know.
Never gonna give you up.
6 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)7-8 ducks at dinner with a drink (On a weekend I guess. Don't really know why they charged me so much) 341 S College Rd # 8A, Wilmington, NC 28403
Hey you jerks! I've had some pizza lately but it was Papa Johns, mostly, and you all know what that stuff tastes like. It makes me want to jump up inside my own butthole, but, then again, what doesn't make me want to jump up there? There's always a party goin' on up there! Okay, down to the beeswax.
First off, it seems Goodfellas closed. I can't say I'm surprised, considering the mismanagement, crummy staff, lack of food consistency, et cetera. I can say that I'm kind of sad, however. I had hopes that they would get their act together, eventually. Oh well, I guess it's time for someone else to open a giant wacky failure of a pizzeria in that location.
Also, I wrote another review at liquorlunch, out of sheer boredom. Not much left to post here on my own site except Terrazzo and maybe a couple other random shitholes in town and perhaps abroad, so I might write a little bit over there instead.