Wilmington Pizza Insulting the stretch of pavement and stripmalls you call home


Might As Well

Posted by pete

Trash babies

Oh hell it's taco tuesday. Nope it's wednesday it's time for pizza.

Holy shit this is not a pizza pie, it's a big old bag of trash all spread out and covered in grease and rancid oregano, merry fucking christmas.

This is the only pizza I have ever thrown away in my entire life. It was an amazing amalgam of tasting like nothing, tasting like grease and tasting like spices that expired five years ago. On top of that the crust was some nightmare mishmash of undercooked, overcooked, fried, tasteless, gummy and vomit-enducing while also being coated with an enormous amount of cornmeal.



Avanti Round Deux

Posted by pete

I got so much shit over my  Avanti review that  I decided to go back. Maybe I had experienced the eventuality bound to afflict any review site: that I had been served a fluke the first time around. And God DAMN if I didn't want to like this pizza. Plus they had an alright deal, $3.99+tax for two cheese slices and a drink. I guess it's just a free drink, but at the time it seemed like an impressive deal. Fuck you.

Right off the bat this shit looked scary:

Unlike the last slice reviewed, these motherfuckers had way too much cheese as opposed to way too much sauce. These shits right here barely had any sauce at all, as far as I could tell. They are fucking entirely different from what I got last time and not in a good way. Rating-wise, Avanti would fare worse in round 2 than in the original gangster review, but out of pity I won't go there.

At first I thought the cheese was kinda crummy and bland but to be honest I think that initial opinion was more a reflection of the fact that there was simply far too much of it on there. I think it had the consistency of a decent cheese, maybe. I don't know.

The crust was shit, too. And as with every other aspect of the slice, it was completely different from the last go-round. It was dry, overcooked, brittle, and tasteless. And look at its complete lack of structural integrity!:

I dunno if it's clear what's happening but that weird pancake of cheese was entirely underneath the slice. and when I tried to lift the slice it tore almost clear in half.  Hey, I'm not a photographer, titbag. Anyway, it just fell apart. Mountain of cheese on a really crummy crust, the bottom coated to holy hell with hell's own version of flour.

After eating this garbage, I dream of the mediocre shit I got here last time. You know how people say that at least things can't get any worse? At least it's all uphill from here? Well, let this be a lesson to you: you never truly know how bad shit can get.

I don't care what any of you say. This place has a certain charm but their pizza is at a very bare minimum improperly made. I don't think I can blame the components, necessarily. This is mainly an undersauced, overcheesed and overcooked affair. Last time it was undercooked and oversauced. Quality Control, guys. Look it up. Consistency!

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