Wilmington Pizza Insulting the stretch of pavement and stripmalls you call home

1Sep/160

Green Line Pizza & Steak

Posted by pete

What Kind of Dickhead Eats Here
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This place has been around for a while but I haven't had a chance to review it. On the one hand Brooklyn Pizza is right nearby, so why the fuck would anyone bother? On the other hand I have family in the area so anytime I'm nearby I'll just eat their food for free. It's great.

In the interest of being thorough and goddamn scientific I finally ventured to Green Line Pizza. The place looked deserted except for the fucked up abomination pictured below. Something better known as a conveyor pizza oven. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

20160830_114305Aw hell no. This is just not what you ever, ever, fucking ever want to see in a so-called pizzeria. There's a reason that Dominos uses conveyors and decent pizzerias use deck ovens. It's because any fucked up, untrained mongoloid can slap dough onto a pan and put it on a conveyor and make something resembling pizza whereas you need more than ten minutes of training to use a deck. Unsurprisingly, you can't make pizzas that are worth half a shit using a conveyor. SORRY CHUMPOS.

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The one good thing about this slice was the sauce, I thought it was pretty good. Moving on.

Undercooked on the bottom, overcooked on top, the crust had no spring even though it tasted almost entirely of YEAST YECH FUCK BLEGH. Hey chumpos your yeast is dead and so is your pride in making pizza, if it ever existed. The cheese is a fruity fucked up mess, the same kind of shit you find all over fucking PENNSYLVANIA.

These fucking dips brag about bringing Philly pizza to Wilmington. Newsflash, fuckos. I've eaten pizza all over Pennsylvania, including Philly, and it is universally trash. If I ever want to eat Philly garbage cooked up by Greeks I'll bring Cheez Whiz when I fish for pulverized wog nethers in the Cape Fear.

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Undercooked is right. It is almost impossible to find a pizza in Wilmington with a more poorly-cooked bottom. When was the last time these greaseballs ate their own product? I'm guessing fucking never. Also a 15" pie - 15 inches of this fucking simple-headed trashbaby nonsense - costs twelve dollars so if you ever want to get ripped off by Greekswho aren't explicitly representing themselves as gypsies then go to this goofy fucking restaurant. Or go to Dominos, spend about half that, and get a better product. Or spend that same $12, go to Brooklyn and get a much larger and infinitely better pizza.

Sorry, had some vulgarity built up from the lack up reviews.

Gypsies.

7 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

Green Line Pizza & Steaks - $1.99 + tax
7134 Market Street, Wilmington, NC 28411
1Jan/160

Mamma Bella Pizzeria

Posted by pete

Market Street's New Contender

A common refrain from readers of this website is that I ought to give new local businesses a fair shake instead of shitting all over them. What these silly nits don't understand is that I. Can. Do. Both. And so can you. If a fair shake leads to you deciding that a place is a garbage-y butthole, preach on, you beautiful black man.

It was with this fairly racist and nonsensical thought in mind that I went to try Mamma Bella. I thought, be nice this time, ya old geezer. Don't go straight for the jugular. But that's just not my game. I'm here for blood.

Damn shame that this place really knocked my socks off. You have their Facebook site and local reviews suggesting a superior NY-style pizza and yet they don't even offer 18" pies. And the pictures I saw initially made me never want to even give this place a shot. Though I'm glad I did end up giving them a shot, it put me in a predicament because I didn't know where to put this place in relation to other local pizzerias.

My first words to my wife were, "this could be the best pizza in town."

This pizza has a perfect crust, a perfect sauce and perfect cheese. The ratios of the three are beyond reproach. Clearly, this is the best pizza, right? But how might Brooklyn be better? Their added pre-baked Italian spices in the cheese go pretty far in my opinion. Yet, their pies have notoriously undercooked undercarriages. Slices don't have that problem, but the pies really do. Mamma Bella gets it right the first time.

How about I <3 NY Pizza? Technically on the blog they rate lower than Brooklyn. But they're not any worse. I just got an incredibly good slice from Brooklyn when I reviewed them. I <3 NY has a consistency which Brooklyn can only dream of. They're non-stop slinging pies while Brooklyn is assembling shitty salads and mediocre pastas for ponces. Overall, Mamma Bella would have to rate slightly below I <3 NY and a bit above Brooklyn overall. But this fucks my ratings system. Well, it's my site so maybe I'll just change ratings around soon, fuck you.

$2.25 including a big thing of sauce. These guys are not fucking around. Normally I would be against fried garlic knots but sometimes you gotta just say fuck it. Party on, Wayne.

Get it while it lasts. This location murders pizzerias.

1 1/2 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

Mamma Bella - 8” - $5; 12”- $8, 16”- $14
3926 Market St, Wilmington, NC 28403
16Nov/150

Little Buffalo Pizza Shop

Posted by pete

How quaint!

This is a new and great little pizza shop taking over the location from Amore which had taken it from an old favorite, Ninos. Below I will attempt to embed their menu, which goes well beyond a simple slice joint.


http://www.littlebuffalopizza.com/s/Little-Buffalo-Menu.pdf

The menu looks pretty good to me. Sadly, I'm rarely in this area anymore. I was only vaguely in the area and going to get the slice pictured below took like a million years. Then I made the mistake of taking Kerr Ave home during rush hour. Wow fuck that road. Anyway, the slice:

You might not be able to tell from my shitty picture but this was a big slice of pizza. Don't let the massive amount of spices fool you, I added them after the fact because I'm the boss. Let's run this motherfucker down right now:

Sauce: Good, though a bit too lightly applied.

Cheese: Good, though too heavily applied.

Crust: Good, properly salted, little yeasty, kinda too soft for my taste ... cooked on a screen (I think).

They have all the components here to make a near-perfect pizza but their application ratios are just a bit off and you end up missing out on a nicely done undercarriage. Yeah I said it. Undercarriage, you bitch.

This seems like a pretty exciting new restaurant for Wrightsboro to get their hands on. I wish it was near me, damnit. I overheard the owner (I assume) saying he makes most or all of the desserts himself and they even had some homemade She-crab soup in the back. Even with the minor quibbles I've written about their pizza, it really was good and a good value based on the size and quality. I just have to mention everything I can because food reviewing is pure bloviation and fuck you.

EAT IT UP!

Rating:

2.5 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

Little Buffalo Pizza Shop - $2.50 + tax
2535A Castle Hayne Rd, Wilmington, NC 28401
Little Buffalo Pizza Shop Menu, Reviews, Photos, Location and Info - Zomato

5Sep/156

Spicoli

Posted by pete

Pizza Reviews! One Per Year! All aboard!

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It's been a long time since my last review. Mostly because there just isn't too much pizza left to review in Wilmington, but also because I'm a lazy bum. Recently Paul Stephen told me that Spicoli had opened in the old Bessie & Giuseppe location. Seems like this is another spot that gobbles up pizzerias and spits out ... other pizzerias. It seems like this location should support some good business with the right pizzeria but every place that tries just sucks. Luckily for Spicoli, they are much better than their predecessors, B&G and Incredible Pizza.

Custom demands I now show you a picture of some greasy cheese pizza:

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It seems like you can't order single slices here, but you can get 2 slices for $5, which is not a bad deal.

The slices are a reasonable size for $2.50 per. And they're pretty good. The greatest strength of this pizza is the cheese. It's good and greasy and none of that low-fat part-skim full-bullshit mozzarella that many pizzerias seem to favor (because they're stupid). One of  the slices had the cheese over-applied but it wasn't a big deal since it was decent mozzarella.

The sauce was lightly applied but actually quite good. I could have gone for a bit more sauce but it's a minor quibble.

The dough/crust is the only real issue with this pizza. As far as I could tell they're cooking these things on screens or pans or something, so they're not properly cooked on the bottom, it's just soft and stupid like my weiner. And while properly salted (a rarity in Wilmington) there is something wrong with their dough formulation and I think it's probably that they're using a lot of oil in their recipe. You're left with a crust that is heavy and dense and sort of greasy. It's disappointing. The cornicione should be a nice airy, crunchy affair. Not some pizza hut shit. The undercarriage should be browned if not charred. Not just warmed up.

Overall, though, the pizza is pretty good.

 

Rating:

3 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

Spicoli - $5 for 2 slices
1978 Eastwood Rd, NC 28403

Filed under: Pizza Reviews 6 Comments
28Nov/142

Marco’s Pizza

Posted by pete

Applejack Waffles

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I took this photo with a potato, deal with it. My inability to take a picture reflects my inability to rate this pizza. It's been so long since I have rated a goddamn pizza that I had to refer to my own Listing page to figure out where to put this monstrosity, rating-wise. Which got me thinking: wow. Wilmington pizza SUCKS. I know I've said that before but goddamn.

In any case I am giving Marco's Pizza a solid '5' on the recircumcision scale, only because they are better than Frank's. '5' seems to be that magical, nebulous zone that bad pizzerias fall into while they're clinging to the edge of pure desperation. A rating worse than '5' indicates that everyone at the establishment cut their dicks off long ago.

Speaking of the pizza, which I am loathe to do, it was shitty. The crust was tasteless, the cheese was probably some kind of mixture of cheeses and had decent flavor, but it was applied too heavily. It reminded me of Pizza Hut cheese, I think. I have no fucking idea if this pizza even had sauce because the pie had 18 pounds of cheese on it.

Speaking of Pizza Hut, this pizza is better than Pizza Hut (pan or otherwise). It is also better than Papa Johns (they're fucking terrible). Marco's is, however, worse than either Dominos or Little Caesar's. You shouldn't buy shit from any of these guys but I know you're going to, so that's what the deal is.

I also went to Brixx Wood Fired Pizza the other day. How do these kids get away with calling their ovens "Wood Fired" when it's clearly gas-fired? Can anyone explain this madness to me?

Shut up I don't care.

Rating:

5 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

Marco's Pizza - $too much
2305 S College Rd, Wilmington, NC 28412
Marco's Pizza Menu, Reviews, Photos, Location and Info - Zomato

8Aug/142

Bessie and Giuseppe

Posted by pete

Improved from Impoverishment

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I don't even know how to write these reviews, it's been too long since my last one. Be that as it may, today I'm taking a look at Bessie and Giuseppe, which took over from Incredible Pizza. B&G is so badass that they don't even need a sign with their name on it, apparently. Just 'PIZZA' will cut it, a sign carried over from Incredible. This didn't bother me. However, their other main focus is burgers so it seems like they might wanna say something like 'PIZZA AND BURGERS." Maybe that's just me.

I liked the interior of the place. I spent as little time as I could inside of the old Incredible location, but it seems very different to me now. In other words, improved. More of a bar vibe as opposed to some shitty fake pizzeria in a stripmall near the beach. Which is definitely not to say that Bessie and Giuseppe is much more than a shitty fake pizzeria in a stripmall near the beach. Moving forward we shall observe a slice of their pizza:

20140807_174416A rinky-dink little thing, that. You might say, "hey, it's only two dollars!" Yes sir, but that's what you pay at I<3NY and they include tax - and the slices are bigger and fucking mind blowing. The best thing going for this slice is the dough. It seems well-made and well-seasoned. Sadly, it was under-cooked and screen-cooked. It was paler than my ass. The sauce seemed good, I'll be honest. But I could barely taste any of it because it was so overwhelmingly under-applied. The cheese was mediocre, maybe a little above. If the sauce had been applied correctly and the pizza was cooked long enough and not on a screen, the cheese may have synergized this bitch to the moon.

The world may never know. Also, get draft beer guys, please lord.

Rating:

4.5 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

Bessie and Giuseppe - $2.00 + tax
1978 Eastwood Rd, NC 28403
Bessie and Giuseppe on Urbanspoon