Wilmington Pizza Insulting the stretch of pavement and stripmalls you call home

28Dec/160

PSA – Spicoli

Posted by pete

Apparently, Spicoli has taken a turn, it done gone sour.

In the comments, Bret says:

Well I believe the site owners reviews are the holy grail and he is usually spot on with what I encounter for each pizza tried. But that said went to Spicoli last week first time and they are using premade factory crusts. I was pissed I paid 23 bucks for a supreme factory made dough. You can tell they factory made because it basically just looks like a dinner plate and no roll around the edge or signs of human intervention… and they taste like s*** . So either you missed this one or their business is so lacking they have changed over to premade after your visit. I gotta say for a Saturday night they were not at all busy with carry-out or dine-in service we were the only table seated at 7 p.m.

Reader Alex states:

This site is the holy fucking grail of Wilmington pizza reviews. I’m thinking Spicoli needs to be downgraded to fucked, and fucked may be too kind for Spicoli’s. Spicoli’s is good for one thing, heartburn. Lard with ketchup
 and Monterey jack would better resemble pizza than Spicoli’s gut bomb. I’m not an expert. But an expert
 should know how to cook a pizza without a screen. A screen in a Blodgett gas pizza oven is less than
 a step away from the idiot that eats conveyor belt pizza with a smile. Maybe a year ago someone at Spicoli’s
 kinda tried to give a shit about pizza.

Thanks for the epic reviews. I love this site.

Okay maybe these guys are the same person, what with this "holy grail" theme, but they sure do love sucking me off.

Maybe I'll do a re-review on my next trip to Wilmington. Who are we kidding, if I'm going to be eating pizza in Wilmington it sure as fuck won't be at Spicoli.

Filed under: PSA No Comments
26Oct/162

PSA – I <3 NY

Posted by pete

 

I'm obliged to mention that I had a slice of I <3 NY pizza and it was the biggest shitty trashtrain fuckall outside of New Jersey.

The dough is different, the sauce is different and the cheese is the biggest shit fuck trash heap you have ever seen. These fuckers. I trusted you.

On the other hand, Brooklyn is still cranking out pure quality, non-stop, so there's that at least.

If you are hurting for context, i<3ny is listed second in Wilmington, and it was a hairline decision to give it to Brooklyn. So sad. Hoobies quality garbage slice.

ANOTHER HEADS UP THESE GREASY CHEESE FUCKS ARE CHARGING YOU 25% MORE FOR 100% WORSE SHIT NOW.

Listing

Filed under: PSA 2 Comments
1Sep/160

Green Line Pizza & Steak

Posted by pete

What Kind of Dickhead Eats Here
20160830_114019

This place has been around for a while but I haven't had a chance to review it. On the one hand Brooklyn Pizza is right nearby, so why the fuck would anyone bother? On the other hand I have family in the area so anytime I'm nearby I'll just eat their food for free. It's great.

In the interest of being thorough and goddamn scientific I finally ventured to Green Line Pizza. The place looked deserted except for the fucked up abomination pictured below. Something better known as a conveyor pizza oven. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

20160830_114305Aw hell no. This is just not what you ever, ever, fucking ever want to see in a so-called pizzeria. There's a reason that Dominos uses conveyors and decent pizzerias use deck ovens. It's because any fucked up, untrained mongoloid can slap dough onto a pan and put it on a conveyor and make something resembling pizza whereas you need more than ten minutes of training to use a deck. Unsurprisingly, you can't make pizzas that are worth half a shit using a conveyor. SORRY CHUMPOS.

20160830_115404
The one good thing about this slice was the sauce, I thought it was pretty good. Moving on.

Undercooked on the bottom, overcooked on top, the crust had no spring even though it tasted almost entirely of YEAST YECH FUCK BLEGH. Hey chumpos your yeast is dead and so is your pride in making pizza, if it ever existed. The cheese is a fruity fucked up mess, the same kind of shit you find all over fucking PENNSYLVANIA.

These fucking dips brag about bringing Philly pizza to Wilmington. Newsflash, fuckos. I've eaten pizza all over Pennsylvania, including Philly, and it is universally trash. If I ever want to eat Philly garbage cooked up by Greeks I'll bring Cheez Whiz when I fish for pulverized wog nethers in the Cape Fear.

20160830_115524

Undercooked is right. It is almost impossible to find a pizza in Wilmington with a more poorly-cooked bottom. When was the last time these greaseballs ate their own product? I'm guessing fucking never. Also a 15" pie - 15 inches of this fucking simple-headed trashbaby nonsense - costs twelve dollars so if you ever want to get ripped off by Greekswho aren't explicitly representing themselves as gypsies then go to this goofy fucking restaurant. Or go to Dominos, spend about half that, and get a better product. Or spend that same $12, go to Brooklyn and get a much larger and infinitely better pizza.

Sorry, had some vulgarity built up from the lack up reviews.

Gypsies.

7 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

Green Line Pizza & Steaks - $1.99 + tax
7134 Market Street, Wilmington, NC 28411
8Jun/160

HALLO

Posted by pete

Finally put the site back up but it's a little fucked up and I guess I lost some pictures.

Maybe I'll fix it some more.

In other news I ate a Totinos pizza today!

update: infrequent and haphazard backups win again, chumps!

1Jan/160

Mamma Bella Pizzeria

Posted by pete

Market Street's New Contender

A common refrain from readers of this website is that I ought to give new local businesses a fair shake instead of shitting all over them. What these silly nits don't understand is that I. Can. Do. Both. And so can you. If a fair shake leads to you deciding that a place is a garbage-y butthole, preach on, you beautiful black man.

It was with this fairly racist and nonsensical thought in mind that I went to try Mamma Bella. I thought, be nice this time, ya old geezer. Don't go straight for the jugular. But that's just not my game. I'm here for blood.

Damn shame that this place really knocked my socks off. You have their Facebook site and local reviews suggesting a superior NY-style pizza and yet they don't even offer 18" pies. And the pictures I saw initially made me never want to even give this place a shot. Though I'm glad I did end up giving them a shot, it put me in a predicament because I didn't know where to put this place in relation to other local pizzerias.

My first words to my wife were, "this could be the best pizza in town."

This pizza has a perfect crust, a perfect sauce and perfect cheese. The ratios of the three are beyond reproach. Clearly, this is the best pizza, right? But how might Brooklyn be better? Their added pre-baked Italian spices in the cheese go pretty far in my opinion. Yet, their pies have notoriously undercooked undercarriages. Slices don't have that problem, but the pies really do. Mamma Bella gets it right the first time.

How about I <3 NY Pizza? Technically on the blog they rate lower than Brooklyn. But they're not any worse. I just got an incredibly good slice from Brooklyn when I reviewed them. I <3 NY has a consistency which Brooklyn can only dream of. They're non-stop slinging pies while Brooklyn is assembling shitty salads and mediocre pastas for ponces. Overall, Mamma Bella would have to rate slightly below I <3 NY and a bit above Brooklyn overall. But this fucks my ratings system. Well, it's my site so maybe I'll just change ratings around soon, fuck you.

$2.25 including a big thing of sauce. These guys are not fucking around. Normally I would be against fried garlic knots but sometimes you gotta just say fuck it. Party on, Wayne.

Get it while it lasts. This location murders pizzerias.

1 1/2 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

Mamma Bella - 8” - $5; 12”- $8, 16”- $14
3926 Market St, Wilmington, NC 28403
16Nov/150

Little Buffalo Pizza Shop

Posted by pete

How quaint!

This is a new and great little pizza shop taking over the location from Amore which had taken it from an old favorite, Ninos. Below I will attempt to embed their menu, which goes well beyond a simple slice joint.


http://www.littlebuffalopizza.com/s/Little-Buffalo-Menu.pdf

The menu looks pretty good to me. Sadly, I'm rarely in this area anymore. I was only vaguely in the area and going to get the slice pictured below took like a million years. Then I made the mistake of taking Kerr Ave home during rush hour. Wow fuck that road. Anyway, the slice:

You might not be able to tell from my shitty picture but this was a big slice of pizza. Don't let the massive amount of spices fool you, I added them after the fact because I'm the boss. Let's run this motherfucker down right now:

Sauce: Good, though a bit too lightly applied.

Cheese: Good, though too heavily applied.

Crust: Good, properly salted, little yeasty, kinda too soft for my taste ... cooked on a screen (I think).

They have all the components here to make a near-perfect pizza but their application ratios are just a bit off and you end up missing out on a nicely done undercarriage. Yeah I said it. Undercarriage, you bitch.

This seems like a pretty exciting new restaurant for Wrightsboro to get their hands on. I wish it was near me, damnit. I overheard the owner (I assume) saying he makes most or all of the desserts himself and they even had some homemade She-crab soup in the back. Even with the minor quibbles I've written about their pizza, it really was good and a good value based on the size and quality. I just have to mention everything I can because food reviewing is pure bloviation and fuck you.

EAT IT UP!

Rating:

2.5 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

Little Buffalo Pizza Shop - $2.50 + tax
2535A Castle Hayne Rd, Wilmington, NC 28401
Little Buffalo Pizza Shop Menu, Reviews, Photos, Location and Info - Zomato